Yes, Your Angry Naps Are Actually Useful

Understanding the power of angry naps saves relationships, helps you be more in touch with yourself, and gives your anger the significance it deserves

Photo by Sinitta Leunen on Unsplash

Anger was a key descriptor of our lives in 2020, and it’s not looking any better this year. The pandemic unmasked all the failing facets of our society, so we aimed our anger at Government, Police, Healthcare, and the other Big Issues we now suffer from in a more visceral way. This large-scale anger eventually infiltrates the more mundane events of our daily lives, like a heated work Zoom meeting or a fight with our close ones in perpetual isolation. Then anger gives way to fatigue, and that’s where the angry nap comes in. They can be misunderstood, but if you learn where angry naps come from, and if you can harness their unique problem-solving and rejuvenating qualities, you might realize you’ve been doing things right all along.

Why we shut down after experiencing anger or stress

Some people respond to stress or anger by falling asleep — psychologists call it the “learned helplessness” theory. Often used to explain some aspects of depression and anxiety, learned helplessness is a mindset built into an individual who has continuously faced negative and uncontrollable situations, so much so that they stop trying to change their circumstances even when they have the ability to do so.

In early development, learned helplessness might plant its seed when your parents are fighting in the living room for the 45th time, and the screaming is so exhausting that you go to your room, turn off the lights, and fall asleep, because what else can you do? And as you get older and start to face similar or higher levels of stress and anger, your automatic response is to shut down.

Angry naps can be a bit different from the ones triggered by learned helplessness, but for many they’re one and the same. Angry naps are often understood as an escape, an easy way out, but research shows that the exhaustion that comes after anger isn’t just normal — it’s necessary. Your body treats emotionally rich experiences — like a fight with your partner — as high priority messages, and your angry nap is a…